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June 17, 2022


Lacey Cohen

Hi, I know you don’t want to hear from me, but I think it could be helpful for me to talk this out. I know you think you don’t owe me anything, but you stole one of the most important moments in my life from me, and I think that talking through that could help me in healing.



I don’t think that would be beneficial for either of us.I hope you find your peace, but I am no longer a part of your story. Please leave me alone.



Unfortunately you made yourself a part of my story when you decided to do what you did. I wish I could take you out of my story, believe me I do, but you did a heinous thing ten years ago that has affected me to this day. The least you can do is explain to me why you did that.



I am not going to explain myself to you. I was going through one of the hardest periods of my life, I was dealing with a lot of personal trauma, and I am not going to explain to you the actions I took when I was a child. I was 12 years old, my life was shit. I don’t need to defend myself to you, please leave me alone.



I’m not asking you to defend yourself, I would hope that you wouldn’t have anything to defend. The fact of the matter is that you did something incredibly homophobic, cruel, and flat out shameful. I know you can’t possibly know what it feels like, but when you’re a child dealing with one of the most difficult internal struggles surrounding your sexuality in a time when the world was not very accepting, the very last thing you need is for someone to air that struggle to anyone who will listen. That’s what you did, and that was fucking cruel.



I would appreciate it if you didn’t call me homophobic. I am not homophobic. I will do what I can to try to educate myself and be a better ally, but I am far from homophobic and I don’t respect you calling me that. I’m sorry that’s how you see things, but again, I was going through one of the most difficult times of my life. You cannot possibly hold me accountable for my actions at that time.



Like it or not, I am telling you that what you did was homophobic. To out someone when they aren’t ready is, definitively, homophobic. You caused me severe trauma that I can’t seem to get rid of, and I thought that after over a decade, when we are now adults, you would be mature enough to both understand that, and amicably talk through it with me. I had no bad blood towards you when I initially texted you, I am not one to hold grudges, and I really don’t want a reason to develop one.



STOP calling me homophobic, I am NOT homophobic. I’ll repeat, I’m sorry you see what happened the way you do, but I refuse to take responsibility for actions that I do not believe I took. Again, I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you find your peace, but I cannot help you. Please leave me alone.





Lacey Cohen recently graduated from the University of Michigan with a Bachelor's in English, and she is currently an MFA candidate at Long Island University in Brooklyn, where she is also the managing editor at Defunct Magazine. Her writing typically focuses on issues of identity, primarily Jewish and queer identities, but she tries not to limit herself too much.

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