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June 17, 2022
THERE'S NO WAY
Fran Sharp
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Jackeline:
Get online right now
Me:
I have a smart phone I’m always online
Jackeline:
Fine, Facebook. Get on Facebook. Look at
Caroline’s account.
Me:
You’re acting very dramatic for
wedding pictures.
Jackeline:
I’m not looking at wedding pictures.
Me:
What am I looking at? Is this a joke.
Jackeline:
THAT’S WHAT I’M TRYING TO FIND OUT!
Me:
There’s no way. They’re joking.
They got married LAST
WEEKEND.
It is LITERALLY impossible.
Jackeline:
There’s a pic of a test.
Me:
You can find those on google.
This is an elaborate prank.
Jackeline:
Or…
Me:
Or…
Jackeline:
You know what I’m thinking.
Me:
Perfect Caroline? There’s no way.
Jackeline:
That’s it, I’m calling in back up.
Jackeline:
Oh shit, check Insta
Therese:
why what’s on insta
Me:
A visual representation of what
I found on Instagram
Jackeline:
I literally just did a spit take. But yeah. That’s a tiny bean fetus on her insta. And her name at the top of the pic, all official.
Therese:
She really is…
Me:
BUT HOW?
Jackeline:
you’re pregnant too, right? We shouldn’t have to spell it out…
Me:
But she’s perfect Caroline!
Can you imagine how she would
have reacted if one of us had…
Therese:
I mean that’s probably why she didn’t say anything to us. This way she doesn’t have to deal with our reactions because we can’t very well go into her comments with everyone being all “mazel tov” and scold her.
Jackeline:
Therese:
What is going on you lunatics? You know it’s still 6 AM here?
Jackeline:
Yeah, but it’s 3 PM in London where Caroline is and she just posted absolute insanity to
facebook.
Therese:
What did she post.
Me:
Words won’t do it justice. You
have to look yourself.
Therese:
Is Caroline PREGNANT?
Me:
Or it’s a joke. I still think it
might be a joke.
Therese:
Perfect Caroline. Holier-than-thou Caroline?
This is not possible. She would have had to have sex…
Before
She
Got
Married.
And there’s just no way.
Jackeline:
Okay, then what is it? This is a lot of work for a joke. She had to have known how it would look…
Me:
I mean she was never great at jokes
Therese:
And why wouldn’t she have just told us on the group chat! Why tell the whole world and conveniently forget to mention it to your friends first. It doesn’t track!
We would never!
Me:
I mean I might make a poorly
timed joke in bad taste, but
I’d never judge her.
Therese:
Yeah, but she would DEFINITELY judge us. This is her protecting herself. She blasted it out there and managed to make the explosion big enough that she’s clear of the blast.
Me:
You’re right. It’s like a hurricane.
And she’s at the center, safe in the
chaos we’re creating around her.
Jackeline:
I literally don’t know how to react.
Me:
To be safe, I think I just won’t.
Jackeline:
Yeah… that’s probably the best course of action. Let’s wait until she says something on the group chat.
Therese:
And if she doesn’t?
Me:
Then I guess I’ll just compliment
the baby pics when she
eventually posts them.
Fran Sharp grew up in the melting pot of the Gulf (literally, we spent all summer melting). As she grew older, she discovered that further north the food got worse but the politicians got saner, so she settled in the middle, in Virginia, where she spends her days with her kids and helps others have their kids as a labor and delivery nurse.