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June 17, 2022

EMPLOYEE CONCERN FORM

Dré

Employee Concern Form

From: Anonymous

Comments: I’d just like to say that whoever keeps drinking milk and eating my sandwich from the breakroom fridge really needs to learn some manners. Those lunches are not just there for the taking. This isn’t Camelot.

 

 

Employee Concern Form

From: Anonymous

Comments: First off, Camelot was supposed to be an idyllic place, but dissolved into nothing due to people bringing up baseless complaints and then it fell apart. Much like this office has been doing, so yeah, I think it is Camelot. Second, it’s a community fridge. We all donate to it for the sake of the office. If you don’t like it, keep your lunch at your desk and eat it there like Mary does.

 

Employee Concern Form

From: Anonymous

Comments: Don’t make fun of Mary, simply because no one wants to see her eating a headcheese sandwich. And it’s not a ‘communal’ fridge. We don’t turn everything in there into a potluck - it’s there for when we need it. That doesn’t make whatever’s in there up for grabs!

 

Employee Concern Form

From: Anonymous

Comments: Oh, excuse me. Do I need to go and claim my specific staples, pens, and post-it notes from the supply closet? No? I didn’t think so. Same with the goddamn fridge. It’s not that hard!

 

Employee Concern Form

From: Anonymous

Comments: Oh please. It’s not like we have to requisition our lunches from the fridge like supplies - which I may remind you the company buys and must keep track of. It’s not like they need to keep track of our lunches. Or maybe they do, since someone keeps eating mine.

 

Employee Concern Form

From: Anonymous

Comments: Can we consider moving the supplies to the central office bank by HR? It’s a hell of a walk down to the closet and if you forgot to ask Darryl for the key or if he’s off it just makes things more difficult. It’d be nice to more easily get post-it notes.

 

 

Employee Concern Form

From: Anonymous

Comments: Shut up, Bill. We know it’s you, since you’re the only one so concerned about post-it notes. And that’s probably because you’re using them to make flip-books. Mary showed me your TikToks. And I had to smell her stupid headcheese in order to find out it was you taking all those damn post-its.

 

Employee Concern Form

From: Anonymous

Comments: I think we need to reach out to Corporate for another HR Communications session. This person clearly doesn’t know how to talk to people like Bill and Mary, who may be unfortunate souls but at least understand how the fridge works and not to eat employee lunches.

 

Employee Concern Form

From: Anonymous

Comments: Oh sure, go run to HR. How about instead we allow Fight Club in the office on the weekends? Then I can win my milk and sandwich fair and square. But they do kinda suck overall so maybe it’s not worth it.

 

Employee Concern Form

From: Anonymous

Comments: The bathroom cleaning schedule seems to be out of sync with when the janitors are in there. They are cleaning it, and I see their initials, but I think they’re not doing it at the posted times. Several times I’ve been in there (well outside the cleaning windows) and someone bursts in and then props the door open while listening to Pearl Jam. Can we either get the janitors to follow the schedule or post the schedule that they seem to be working from?

 

Employee Concern Form

From: Anonymous

Comments: For the record, that sandwich is on gluten-free bread so it doesn’t mess with my postnatal hormones. And the milk is the breast milk I keep having to pump for my newborn at home. 

 

Employee Concern Form

From: Anonymous

Comments: Well I guess there’s so many reasons it just tastes sour, now isn’t there. Can we at least get someone to weigh in on the correct use of the communal fridge?

 

 

 

NOTICE FROM MANAGEMENT

It’s come to our attention that the employee concern box has been turned into a flame war. Management and HR have no intention of wading into the fiery battlefield of your petty squabble, however, please note the following:

  • The fridge is not communal. Items in the breakroom fridge are the belongings of those who place those items in it, unless they expressly note that it can be shared (like Taya’s birthday cake).

  • The office supplies will remain in the supply closet, but we’ll consider having more keys handed out for when Darryl is out of the office.

  • Employees are not to be posting TikToks while on the clock or using company supplies for frivolous, non-work-related activities. This is cited in the employee handbook under “Social Media and the Workplace.”

  • The janitorial staff has been talked to about sticking to the original posted schedules.

  • Due to the volatile nature of this feud, we have removed the employee concern box until such time as an alternative can be found. Employees must remain civil and follow company values in discourse about all office activities. Even about Mary’s headcheese sandwich.

 

Thank You for Your Cooperation.

 

Dré is a writer, gamer, and word-nerd from the Twin Cities, MN. He likes to inhabit the intersection of art and form and loves comics and graphic novels. He also helped launch the revised edition of LOTUS DIMENSION, a TTRPG focused on non-violence. His writing career is survived by his awesome wife and two cats. This is his first publication!