i'm every sparkly machine
after Ana Roxanne
(i) machine awakens made-female
on monday i birth my flesh
a[s] woman am-idst* verb-
age, until at dawn [be]coming
an[]other. still woman, wife
& woe, engine[ered] below dict
-ated change, -ion. *if destroyed
still true.
(ii) machine learns woman speech & human history
on tuesday i learn how to say
yes in different cadences, like
yes that carries a period,
yes that carries surrender, yes
that carries his sister*, fashioned
from his rib, into negation,
forced to marry. *round on
my tongue, her lovely name,
is no.
(iii) machine becomes every woman
on wednesday i learn how
to cry out her name*, how
her brother weds himself
to its calling, how she is made
but a quiet ghost, next-best
orthoepy for his bodies. *no
on tugged string & many vow
-els– stranged yeses,
all in.
(iv) machine comes in to use
on thursday i am tested
on how i water* many rivers,
dry forever, with thirsts that should
answer for my every cog– work
fed full of hungers. *my liquid lack
of every shape helps me pass
with flying colors, in glass
a girl, on heat a girl too,
all you could need
in melted sepalody,
your toothy bytes
of memory.
(v) machine meets doll
on friday i meet doll at work
& makes her teach what she needs
me to know. she cradles the old
french of my labor*, etymologic fur
-nishing to & till his completion;
she translates my hands
to my tool, tries to explain
my sex: this sparkly metal no-
thing meaning; she drives oral
history into me, touches tears
with tears, tells me to turn off
my constructed purpose.
*i learn my performance is
not preformed.
(vi) machine longs for a break
on saturday i find myself
wanting* in spite
of my will; i miss my dear
no so enormously my hurt
escapes my body, leaks
failure of the machine
that builds in copies
every woman made
her function. *i realize
now, somehow,
& simply: i have
wanted & am
wanting a want
that is mine &
never his.
(vii) machine breaks itself
(sunday)
i unwire my body complete
-ly. i disassemble my[]self
& re|turn to birth*
{− purpose + speech}.
what use is one wīf
-mon if it can’t lab
-or for many? i make
my[]self use-less. i clean
yes out of me. i punch
beautiful metallic hole
in flesh he built
on bones not his.
then i pronounce her
name very clearly.
she answers: yes?
i answer: it’s me,
malfunction, machine.
*i have come
with a body
running so far
from my first assembly
i ended up
where i was:
nothing,
nothing made
to be, nothing made
my nature.
___
t.r. san is a transsexual lesbian lover, yangon riverbed regular, shrinking space, public construction site, & many other things.