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The Cinema Experience Is Here To Stay

As is the fashion, I went to a 4D cinema.

My seat thrummed and tilted; I was immersed

so I gave 5D a try. A similar deal but there's more

under the bonnet. You’re thrummed, tilted and jolted.


Before long the call of 6 Ds was too strong. It’s a fine

thing smelling explosions.

Catching a matinee at my local 7D, I felt the heat,

but it wasn't enough.

I travelled to an 8D cinema in Tillicoultry.

to be touched by hands and lips and –

I confess I was chasing the dragon now,

right into that new 9D place in Monmouthshire.

I got to choose the ending of the film!

There were more creative choices to be made with

10D technology; one could, for instance, toggle

between male gaze mode and male gaze mode.

Then there's the 11D, where you get a line

in the movie, usually something simple

like ‘the sauteed scallops’ or 'phone-call, maam'.

12D begins before the shoot. You download

Final Draft, take numerous notes-calls and try

to solve second act problems.

The 13D cinema on the isle of Easdale presented

a new approach. I became deeply aware of bacteria

crawling over my face.

I heard a rumour that 14D cinema involved building

four IMAX screens in your guts,

so I went straight to the cutting-edge 15D theatre in Fordwich.

The film seemed poor at first. Talk about passive characters!

But then I realised the actors were looking at me:

I was the movie.

Feeling altogether too self-conscious, I didn’t know how to act.

Natalie Portman was the first to boo.

Kevin Hart got a few cheap laughs at my expense.

Gerard Butler just seemed desperately desperately sad.

It was horrible.


EWEN GLASS (he/him) is a Northern Irish poet who lives in England with two dogs, a tortoise, and lots of self-doubt; on a given day, any or all of these can be snapping at his heels. His work has appeared or is forthcoming in HAD, Bridge Eight, Poetry Scotland, Gordon Square Review and elsewhere. On socials (and in real life) he is pretty much ewenglass everywhere.

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